ok last smile poem...

Your very smile is infectious!
And you call me precious?!
And I ain't trying to stress this...
But my smiles have become reckless,
more often than breakfast.
Cup of coffee?
Half a blunt?
You guessed it.

You!
The reason my frown was bested.
Hoping you can be the one my HEART rests with.
*smiling ear to ear as my thoughts are molested*


So smile for me.
Just if I have that effect,
cuz for now I want just your smiles,
take that juicy bottom one a stretch it miles.
Smile for me.
Just smile for me!
Nah, I got another idea to mess with.
Just smile for you,
and allow me to enjoy it...

All these new great smiles makes me wanna mention another smile...

Thinking
bout the days
I was drinking
falling over drunk
all cuz it was bad
when I thought what I most thunk...
That I was Pepe' Le peau
and you didn't like skunks
Thank god for friends
So now and then when I think of you
And all the bullshit you put me through
and all the wack shit you used to do
them times when you try to contact me
I smile
Cuz I can remember when I'd hit you back
just cuz I wasn't busy
Smiling cuz now you really think
I'm fucking chrissy
smiling cuz who wants another cup of
freeze dried schizy
Smiling cuz I met someone
that makes "with you" sound good again
and the thought that your pining
doesn't make me feel bad about your whining
it's just the thought when this devilish smile
begins...

on smiling for a minute

Wondering if my affection
will pass inspection
cuz when the time comes
I've succeeded in attraction
even tho that's just a fraction
of what it is you do
that brings this utter satisfaction
so as I preach selection
I'm over here quietly stressing
second guessing, this blessing,
just to have my smile prove it to me all over again.
and I so wanna be the reason
you smile shines like
I do
Let's just discuss it
take time with the issue
come co-star in my comicbook
"Adventures of weird boy!"
smile for me
I only wanna bring you joy.

I like

*dancing around the room*
*pokes you in your neck*
Things mentioned when that good feeling you give is on deck.
Bright smiles
A connection sought?
What's better than a seat in my mind,
a cuddle with my thoughts.
Blow kisses to my synapses
Imagine you the drug...
*constant relapses*
*quits the crassness*
Light the path
and let's walk it
any topic
spark it
stop play and park it
on your green couch.
*Rather Unique*
Yet it be you bring the smile to it's brightest peak.
Come away?
Let's stay away
with mental play
Not right away
but all day
Just stay away.
Cuz you do something special to me...
In case you forgot
*Interested and frightened*
But however you do what you do
I sure do like it...

written...

So I look over
and I
brush off my shoulder
and I
feel way less colder
as I
breath on your shoulder
as you
climb into my head...

Then I think a though
and my
smile is sought
and you come out
and wink
at the smile you brought...

So once you settle back in
and I
start to grin
and you
begin smiling again
so I
think a sin
just to see what you'd say while you were in...

So these footprints in my ear
while you
climb in and out here
makes me
wish they disappear
just to
happily reappear
on the
Front of my heart...

never do have titles.... dont wanna use a line from the song... idk.

SO FIRST OFF RIGHT? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SUNSHINE? ( Yes, that's what I decided on in terms of a pet name for you... [holds pillow tight] )

So anyway I wake up right? Not a wake up person anyway, ( I say that cuz the way I have no schedule I might wake in the evening so I can't call it not being a morning person... ) So I immediately notice the young frozen jumping bean, interested in breakfast. Not too bothered cuz if I go to hell it damn sure ain't gonna be cuz I forgot to wash out a uniform and he ain't go to school. He'll do some work out his workbook, read some books, and eventually sleep cuz i wont let him watch t.v. But w/e you know? Honestly if anyone is a detriment to him it's the fact that his school has him coloring and cutting out shapes, when he can friggin read! ( his homework even says I should write the answers he gives me, and he can write! ) The speed with which our minds move looks sumpin like an attention disorder. It's not tho, it's that u thinking so fast that you solved the problem but was onto the next before u put the solution into effect. See his daddy had a co-d, and BYRD-O is soooo not me. Depending on who you ask, for better or worse, ( my opinion? he was sooo better.. ) but we different. Fundementally in fact. Having a Co-d did sumpin to him, much like not having one, did sumpin equally lifeshaping yet different to me. See he grew up thinking that there was a particular alliance he could make, to change the adverse effects of starting out a dope boy. In the end he decided that the trust of that type of alliance, doesn't exist in this world. Whether because of the bad energy he put out or not, he never found it and decided it just plain doesn't exist. In the end he ended up being affiliated with people because when ur standard for alliance is that high u figure ur not gonna find it u associate with some unscrupulous folk. Me though? I decided early for no reason other than it was one of my very first opinions to distrust the world. My take or adaptation to the intelligence my sibling's and I share with our collective early experience's was " fuck you, you, you, you, you, you coulda been cool but since I said fuck you to errybody else I might as well be an equal oppertunity fuck you provider... The world didn't make friggin sense to me, and I don't mean that way that teenagers misunderstand the world cuz they high or in love or just depressed. I mean in the sense that I saw defeat before I saw success. Before I ever succeded or failed at anything, before I even tried to... Getting straight A's simply to keep teachers out my face. Gaming hoes cuz I could, slinging dope cuz I could do it better than the dope boys. So much the mobster. Less the gangster, but with so much disdain for life and the "Human problem" that you should really stay out my way. Now I've seen me grow from distrusting and waging war on the entire world, to having the notion that I could become a real kingpin, not just that guy in the hood throwing block parties... sho nuff Frank Lucas. Then on to thinking I could bring pimping back to the east coast all cuz since I distrusted
everyone and everything, thinking if I fuck you first w/e u do from here is getback. Nowadays I trust everyone. I'm also no where near who I could be. Not that I wanna be anything else, but, that's just my point. What happened to being mad I wasn't what I could be? Even if illegal kingpin was a lofty dream. So striking me from the pool of people he'll grow up to be sumpin like.
Insane thing is I know his daddy don't want him to be like him either... Didn't want me to hustle, but I looked at it thru them distrustful ass lenses and it looked like he called the police on my dopehole cuz we was doing better than him. When actually, he just wanted to scare me into the straight and narrow... The other very large point is that the way to get to where am who I am ain't the one he on, and yet I still fear it'll be my fault if he ends up like his father. I mean he's the one that had a Co-d, complained when left alone. He's not gonna be me from watching me, but I feel like there's sumpin else I could do to keep him from thinking that there's a friend out there that's gonna make shit better cuz it ain't. Love don't even heal all. The happiest married ppl in the world will tell you that...
Meanwhile,
all he wants is a snack.....
and I realize that his daddy was like brother, father, friend and mother to me... and I start to feel lonely and cold.

SMILE.

Smiling
at you seeking your smile
for me because you say you smile
just because you made me smile.


Laughing
at your smile
because your
smiling
at my laugh.


Laughing
smiling
simply because
when
we smile
there's
a reason to laugh
at our
simply funny
smiling
selves
We
are
so
WEIRD.
I
like
it....

dope boys stare at the ceiling...

Sitting and reminiscing
about memories I memorized
to go back and reminisce about
without a doubt
I am about
what I write about
and I remember a memory
that reminds me
of a reminiscent
time when the
DOPE BOYS
WAS DEFINITELY
IN THE BUILDING!
and I'm willing
to stop this chilling
writing
typing
and beat building
and spree on sum killing
or at least cop
and hole up in my room and get to pilling
hit anywhere i see a fiend hard
stack to the ceiling
mind reeling
from the five steps I took back
and yet in this daydream
I keep moving forward and copping crack
cooking crack
and slinging smack
and the chilling
gets back to willing
me to take my O.G. ass to bed
and stare at the ceiling...

YOU

Yearning
Only
Understanding


that
you
mmm.
scraping the pieces of cloud nine
off of my feet
never mars
the trip to mars
I can only imagine
what it what feel like
to feel what it would feel like
to feel
YOU.
Trickling these spills
of
my hearts quill
feeling surreal
and I chill
only to later reveal
I'm hooked on
YOU.
Warring with
the acceptance of
a war with acceptance...
Accepting a war
with acceptance,
and
warring with self about it.
reminiscing
the last time I believed a woman's
male friends were just friends,
but then that wasn't
YOU.
So true,
that
acceptance is no longer a war,
and warring with self
becomes acceptance
of these insane feelings
I feel
when I accept
how I feel about
YOU.
Then I'm thinking
overthinking
rethinking
and
rethinking.
Imagining that the thinking
and rethinking
and overthinking
is gonna lead to some other conclusion that the one
first stated.
Thinking,
am I overthinking
or is
what
I'm feeling
that has me reeling
the feeling
that I'm more that just thinking rethinking and overthinking
that I'm actually feeling
more than just feeling
YOU.
Then thoughts trying to figure
how to think and figure
what it is
I
figure
I'm feeling...
and my thoughts are focused on
YOU,
and I figure that if
I figure
that these thoughts ain't just me figuring
and I actually feel
what i thought to figure I
think I feel...
How do I prove how I
figured how I feel
to
YOU.
my dilemma.
no.
my mission
as I figure
my thoughts to feel like accepting it
I find that my heart has been figured
that it wants
to be a figure
familiar with
YOU....

now....

F
a
l
l
i
n
g
.
No,
we
rise
to love....
I rise to this occasion
of falling for you
as you fall for me
rising
into love.
Is
love
evil?
Less than we are?
No.
It's a state higher,
so as you and I
f
a
l
l
,
Remember this....
Love is great!
People
are
evil....
And with my intentions?
I got to have risen above falling
to what a human is.
I
just wanna love you...

now....

Surprising revolutions.
illusions,
leading to
miscommunication,
leading to
excommunication.

Change the station.
Times wasting,
and the equivocation
and or statement,
that I don't want you more than a want could be wanted....
I can't stomach it
just as much as it's repugnant.
Vile thoughts.
Permitted to be submitted,
remitted
fitted
to be griped with...
Thinking,
if I have this much trouble defining it as anything but love,
What is it?

The looniest.

The looniest,
finding his self the stalker
he said he wouldn't be...

Showcasing emotions
that obviously are
scaring she.

Saying slick shit
when really I wanna ask
"Who the fuck you camming with?"

Preoccupied
Prescribing friendship
flying friend flags
flagging prescriptions
when the
prescription of preoccupation
is the
flying flag
mostly flown by
preoccupation
with
a fear of
the
friend flag flying.
Did
I
lose you?
cuz
I'm
loony...
Like a
Bugs or a Daffy
got nothing to ask
yet you ask me
and I'm once again in the role
of either the bad guy
or the guy who watches his mouth.
Either being
like
the culmination of jealousies
jealously
culminating
reasons to allow
jealousies
to culminate and
separate
two
friendship flag fliers
Still there?
I
am.
Just preoccupied
with my
prescription
for my symptoms
of preoccupation
with
my friendship flag flying friends
separate
culmination of
friendliness.
Jealously
preoccupied.
Unsure
but not preoccupied with
questioning
friendship.
Smiled jealously as I culminate
communications
from friends who use friendship
to hide the jealous
lustful preoccupation
with
I.
They stack.
I hide and tremble
fearful of false friends...
Jealousy
s
u
b
s
i
d
i
n
g
culminated
is the emotions that are left
as I question myself
about why I'm preoccupied with a
friendship flag flier
in the first place.
Don't I want more than that?
Have I forgotten
my preoccupation with that?
This friendly
culmination
of conversations
doesn't erase
the feeling of jealousy
and even though I'm not the loneliest
and am the
L
O
O
N
I
E
S
T
,
the question remains...
If a
friendship flag flier flies
the friendly flag
and waves it above the jealousy
and feelings of they friend
all because they claim
that the culmination of they friends
smiles
is they
purpose for being preoccupied
with
flying the friendly friendship flag....

Have you been preoccupied
with culminating your friends
smiles
today?

Like Gilgamesh

Swinging pens like swords

much like the fifth king of the song
external wrongs
writted
*clears throat*
righted.
Lyrical correction
building
on beats
screaming
and retreat.
leap
verbally bout chics that want
in my sheets.
The best
hidden
trying to retreat
emotions
unwilling
the hiding
not
fulfilling
but I'm chilling...

wow

Temperature
rising.
Impervious
hardening.
Reasonable
pain.
Pain
reasonable.
Hardening
impervious.
Rising

temperature.

leaP
into yoU
quiet as kepT
i'm good at this. not just flY
all night until i dO
give you that session designed specifically for yoU
no where near done yeT
yeah me toO
me plus you equaling a reason for the sign reading do not disturB
eager to get to it into it yet taking timE
to stare at the design of your eyes insteaD.

Do they?

Juvenile like is my social leveL
At this juncture. imagine A
Sobering like, innocent I
Open my heart, and accept paiN
Nonsense as well as all the good things. whY

Looks like to me they accentuate each other....

I feel you

My cutting and running
is
directly related to the me having,
the same feelings that cause you to be hesitant.

not exactly completely relevant
but evident
we mirror feelings and in further dealings
I imagine feeling


Like with effortless appeal
you've sealed this deal
so if i may let me heal
my earlier attempt at haste juvenile shields

I hear them too.

SO I'LL KEEP THINKING THIS THROUGH

WEIRD THING.
TRIPPING UPON ITSELF
PLEASE BE TRUE HUH?
RIIIIIIIIIIGHT....
NO SLIGHT,
BUT MY DEAR.........
SIGH.
WHAT THE HELL?

my half...

Long term lustless longing,
Openminded osmosis ongoing.
Vanquished vixens. viable victims.
Eager excellent english eases,

Healing helping,
Energetic energizing,
Longwinded loose lips,
Leaving lasting lines lingering lichen

type deep seething,
mental battles.
IQ preening.
leaning toward the question....
Save myself or no?
Simply Simon like second guessing.

Working for,
and towards.
Bad days,
moving forward.
Wouldn't call for rescue if it existed.
Not to sound untoward,
but lustful intentions resisted....
mental stimulation aside.
Lacking in pride.
Bare,
of everything but the tremble,
of a bottom lip on the verge of an argument.
No interest in backing down,
or even your relent.
Imagine,
the future finding these battles amusing,
as we lay spent.

No quaint pushover.
Ever present argument.
Pleasing making up...

Yours.

Understanding you fully.
I'll take the rest if and when your ready,
I too am interested in making,
the foundation of this which we've yet to name steady.

But I'd be lying if
I said I wasn't sure.
Feeling the urge to express to you that,
I'm yours.
Not an ounce of interest,
to look anywhere else,
but take your time,
I'll just be yours till you see it yourself...

Yours,
not handing over ownership.
Just stating plainly,
that my heart is a kingdom,
and you have some sway over it,
and said kingdom also,
has a new shining day over it.

So as you battle your demons,
and I listen to Jodeci feenin',
even while the the voice in your heads screaming,
"STAY CLOSED!" causing my pen to get to bleeding,
while seeds turn into seedlings,
or wanting turns into feeding,
whatever your needing,
even if your love stays sleeping,
won't ever stop me from being,
yours...

Can you?

Some days I cant get a hold of,
that joy untold of.
My day starts evil not an intention.
Not exactly a show of regression,
but bad days come,
and that sunshine like smile doesn't shine,
through all my pain...
Can you stand the rain?

Been known to embarrass,
the people I'm with.
Not cause I'm weird, because I am,
But I ain't going for no shit.
I get crass at times,
and don't really no when to be quiet,
figure that time doesn't really exist...
and my heart's as tumultuous as the L.A. riots.
So since that song's a lie,
and it does rain in the south of California,
can you still stand with me when it does,
because it's going to rain, I had to warn ya...

One day I'm gonna resist the smile you,
bring me all day, everyday.
"What will you do then?" is my thought.
Wondering if you'll force the smile down my throat.
Sitting here listening and and starting to sway,
ever so perceptibly,
in the back of my mind hoping,
that when it rains you'll still be standing here by me.

lay with me audio.

SIGH...

SO HERE I AM BLOGGING ABOUT THE
IM WINDOW BEING
PREGNANT
WITH EVERYTHING I'D LIKE TO SAY AND NOT
QUITE ABLE TO.

I'm waiting for the hate
now,
the beating you'll give with furled
brow,
your moves mean and deliberate
so,
I have no reason to feel bad for wanting to
grow,
I'll walk into my fate unburdened love, in
fact,
I'll be whistling a tune and not looking
back.

The loneliest day...

Jay-byrd: I'm bout tired of sitting here while you type these sappy ass tales...
What happened to slapping a nigga? When it got this bad?
Jason: Well I was tired of having to ask for bail.
Tired of waking up in the bookings. Tired of it being that bad...
Jay-byrd: But my nigga, you embarrassing... You barely sleep!
And to be honest you putting a cramp in my ability to creep.
Horny as fuck over here. Your simple ass looking for the one.
I'm trying to smash miss wrong, miss right now smoke and be done!
Jason: Yeah? Really my dude? Embarrassed? Well what about them nights in that box?
All cuz you did a bunch of gangster shit listening to the lox.
Seem to remember doing that bit by myself! where you dip to?
Oh you like most did the crime but can't do the time too...
Funny how it was this feelings filled mother fucker that you call soft,
that did that whole bit, you in the recesses of my mind, cut off.
Jay-byrd: Noticing slightly you got some shit on your chest...
and I'm out, fuck it you handle your mess...
Just remember you wanted to be me,
you are he,
that saw what you see,
disliked and went and created me...
Jason: As usual, on my loneliest day,
nothing from you but these things that you say,
so true and yet if you meant them you'd stay,
I'll tell your ignorant ass why it has to be this way...
I was fine when you were created,
just wasn't in the loop of info stating that.
I was the dope boy,
before you ever started selling crack!
I'll tell you why I never needed you, the drink, and why I just need to be....
Why I'm the last of a dying breed,
Also why I haven't yet planted a seed....
I'm the realist nigga still breathing... And your just the dumbed down version of me!