STILL PUTTING UP/ WAS

STILL PUTTING UP
PLAYBOYING
BIG PIMPING
AND BLOWING
DRO AND
KILLING YOU NIGGAS
COPPING AND BLOWING YOU HOES
WRIST FROZE
WEALTH UNTOLD
STAYING OUT THE PEN
BUT THROWING BRICKS AT IT
HOODIE AND TIMS
OFF THE BLOCK BUT RIGHT BACK AT IT
PLAYBOYING TWICE
JUST CUZ I'M THAT NICE
SIGH.

IS...

PLAYING THESE HOES
LOVING MY SWAGG
AND I CAN'T GIVE A FUCK
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT
BELIEVE I'M SHITTING
ON EVERYONE THAT SAY THEY SPITTING
YOU? YOUR BULLSHITTING

WAS

I GOT THIS LADY FRIEND
HECKLER ANNE KOCH
AND WHEN IT
COMES TO SPITTING
SHE DON'T STOP
ONE OF THEM BITCHES THAT DON'T EVEN
WANT YOU PLAYING WITH HER CLIP
SHE GET IT IN WITH NO FOREPLAY
JUST ENDING SHIT
SINCE I'VE HAD HER
I BEEN STAYING OUTTA TROUBLE
CUZ THIS BITCH TEMPER QUICK
JUMP IN A NIGGA SHIT ON THE DOUBLE
SHE HAD A PREVIOUS LOVER
LAME, ONLY TOUCHING HER ON
NEW YEARS OR THE FOURTH
BUT THIS BITCH IS A FLAME MAN
SOMETHING LIKE A TORCH
FINGER FUCKING HER I'M IN HEAVEN
AND SENDING NIGGAS TO HELL
SOME CATS DON'T THINK SHE AS BAD AS SHE IS...
OH WELL!
SIGH.

WAS...

STRAIGHT AFGAN A MAN
LIKE THE TALIBAN
THAT'S THE PLAN
TAKING A STAND
MAKE A MOVE
START A GROOVE
KEEP IT COOL
BUT THUGGED OUT TOO
CUZ THE STREETS IS RUDE
AND I STAY WITH A TUDE
BAD MOOD?
WELL SHELF IT
I AIN'T A NICE DUDE
AND YOUR FOOD
I'M SITTING HERE KNIFE FORK AND SPOON
GET YOU ATE
DUCK TAPED AND DYING TO SOON
NO ROOM
FOR SYMPATHY OR CONDOLENCE GIMMICKS
YOU READY? THIS THE RFEAL DEAL NOT A SCRIMMAGE
IT'S FINISHED...
SIGH.

IS...

FRIENDS ARE SOMETIMES FOES
NIGGAS THINK REAL RECOGNIZE REAL
IT USED TO BE THAT WAY
NOW FAKE/LAME/CLOWNS
RECOGNIZE REAL
AND TRIES TO ASSIMILATE
YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU RIDING WITH THESE DAYS.
BITCHMADE NIGGAS IN YOUR CAMP
SETTING YOU UP FOR FAILURE
HATING
EVER SO QUIETLY
I'VE KNOWN A LOTTA NIGGAS
THROUGH THE YEARS
AND CAN'T THINK OF ONE THAT IS MY MAN NOW...
AFTER THE LOVE
WASN'T MY HOMIES IF THEY SKATED CUZ I LOST MY HEART TO THE BADDEST BITCH
BUT...
THAT'S ANOTHER BLOG
MY SHIT NOW IS THESE SLEEPER CELL ASS CLOWN NIGGAS
CHILLING IN THE CUT
TRYING TO BE DOWN
KNOWING THEY NOT BUT BETTER ACTORS
THAN REAL BE CHARACTER JUDGES
SMDH.
SIGH.
I'M DONE TALKING
FRIEND OR FOE BIOTCH!

WILL BE

SO IN LOVE
SO MANY CIRCUMSTANCES
WORKING AGAINST OUR CONTINUED UNION
OUR OWN FEELINGS AND FEARS
BECOMING THE WORST CASE OFFENDERS OF OUR LOVE
HESITANT TO TRUST
QUICK TO LUST
I WANT YOU LIKE HOW BAD YOU WANT ME TO STOP
WHEN IT'S TAKING ME TOO LONG TO BUST
I HONESTLY DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT WITHOUT KNOWING YOUR
THERE
SOMEWHERE
ON THE VERGE OF OUR NEXT RECONCILIATION
TO BE SOOO FAR
AND NOT BE IN THE DISTANCE I CAN TRAVEL TO AT EASE
THE DISTANCE I COULD WALK IF I SO PLEASED
FALLING FOR YOU WAS A GRAND AFFLICTION
AND EVEN THOUGH OUR FAIRYTALE HAS COME TO AN END
MY LOVE WAS NEVER A WORK OF FICTION
I LOVE YOU...
SIGH.

IS, BUT WILL BE AS WELL

IDK MAN...
JUST...
SIGH.
CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU EVER JUST SAT THERE AND WONDERED
WHY?
NOT JUST ME AND HER NOW YOU KNOW?
JUST SAT,
AND
WONDERED WHY?
ANYTHING.
WHY YOUR MOMMA YOUR MOMMA?
WHY YOU AIN'T GOT NO DADDY?
ANYTHING.
I SIT A WONDER ALL THE TIME.
AND I HOPE THAT IN THE MIDST OF THE AFTERMATH,
THIS SESSION OF WONDERING,
WILL LEAVE ANSWERS IN IT'S WAKE...
SIGH.

WAS...

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! I DON'T PLAY DAT SHIT,
AND I'M FINNA BUST A CAP ON A NIGGA!


WAKING AND BAKING IS DANGEROUS SUMTIMES..
GOT ME ALL FIFTYIED OUT
BUCK DA WORLD AND ALL THAT
JUST LISTEN
SIGH.

was...

more me

THIS DAY...
OMFG!
I DON'T EVEN MATCH FROM HEAD TO TOE
I GOT BLACK HOOPING SHORTS ON WHERE U CAN'T SEE
LMAO...
SO WERE PLAYING WITH THE CAM AND I'M
TALKING TO HER BUT SHE'S ACTING LIKE I'M JUST TALKING INTO THE CAM
FOR SHOW
AND SHE STOPS AND I WISH THE CAM WAS FACING HER CUZ
YOU CAN SEE IT ON HER FACE WHEN IT GOES
I LOVE HIM...

IS...

MAN WTF?
MEAN DO YA'LL REALLY BE SERIOUS
WITH THIS FLIPPANCY
LIKE JAY DON'T SLAP WHORES HOES
AND GROWN ASS MEN ALIKE
LIKE COMING DOWN THE DARK ALLEY
IT AIN'T ME WITH THAT LEAD PIPE
TAKING SWIPES
AT YA HEAD...

COME ON WITH THAT BULLSHIT
AIN'T NOBODY TRYING TO HEAR IT
YOUR LAME ASS?
DON'T PUT ME NO WHERE NEAR IT
OUTSIDE IN YOUR YARD
EARLY! LIKE BUCK SAID
WHEN THIS NIGGA GONNA COME OUT?

TALKING THAT OLE DUMB SHIT,
THAT RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH ASS SHIT
THAT OLE HEY GET DOWN CUZ IT'S COOL BILL ASS SHIT
FUCK THAT JUST LISTEN TO THE SONG...
SIGH.

IS

TOO MUCH BULLSHIT...
I NEED ANJELINA JOLIESEY COMFORT
WHAT YOU MEAN DROP YOUR GIRLS OFF
YOU NOT EVEN GETTING A RIDE
I WAS GONNA TRY SMASH YOU IN MY MAN VAN IN THE PARKING LOT
PART WAYS
SMELL ME
BOTH NOSTRILS?


THAT'S WHY I GAVE UP ON THAT ONE NIGHT SHIT HOMIE...
IT'S FUN IF IT COME OFF
BUT HOES BE HAVING THE GAME WRONG
IT AINT THEY FAULT THO
NIGGAS DID IT
HOW YOU GO TREAT THE DRUNK SMUT YOU TOOK HOME FOR THE NIGHT
BETTER THAN YOU TREAT YOUR LADY?
NIGGA PULL A BLOCKBUSTER NIGHT QUICK WITH HIS GF
" GURL I GOT THAT NEW WILL SMITH SHIT"
AND SHE DOWN
BLUNT GET BURNT IF THEY SMOKE AND THAT WAS
THE DATE...
LOL
BUT WHEN A NIGGA GO OUT
A BITCH MIGHT GET IHOP
NIGGA BUY A FEW DRINKS
HOMEGIRLS GOT A RIDE HOME

FUCK THAT
I'M WITH YEEZY
I GO THROUGH TOO MUCH BULLSHIT!

WAS...

I AM SO GROOVING IN THIS BITCH!
LMAO
SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING
ROUND THIS BITCH
UP
OFF
UP IN THIS BITCH!
DANCING.
FEEL LIKE DYING POP SUM EXCEDRIN
AND SHAKE UR MUTHAFUCKING GROOVE THING

MAN ALL I GOTTA SAY
AIN'T EVEN WORDS...
DO DO DOOT DOOTDOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT
DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT
DO THE HUSTLE!
AYO ME AND MY BROTHER WERE FLIPPING AROUND THE HOUSE
TRADING DANCING WITH MOM
OR JEN
MAN I'VE SEEN PICTURES
MY MOM WAS A CLUB HEAD
SHE'S IN HER 60'S NOW
STILL GROOVE IN CHURCH
BUT MAN BACK IN THE DAY?
DO THE MUTHER FUCKING HUSTLE MAN...

OMFG!
GET FRIGGIN DOWN
MAKE A LIL LOVE
FUCK THAT
MAKE A LOTTA LOVE
JUST GET THE FUCK DOWN
TONITE
BABY!
LMBAO
BUT THIS NEXT ONE... OH SHIT...
IT'S THE FIRST ONE I FOUND ON MY OWN
LIKE NOT IN AN OLD PPL LISTENING PARTY.. LMAO


AN OFCOURSE
THIS LED TO MY ALL TIME FAV
IN THAT ERA ANYWAY...

LIKE JESUS MAN...
ALL NIGHT LONG
YOU PLAY THAT SONG AND YOU MIGHT AS WELL
CALL IT FRESH HAIRCUT DAY
YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASSUME
I'M SOO CHILLS THAT WE CAN DO WHAT EVER
HA HAA HAA HAA
STAYING ALIIIIIIIIIVE.
!

GET EM' HONEY...

JUST GET DOWN YOU KNOW,
EVEN IF YOU DON'T END UP BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIEING
TILL U CAN'T BOOGIE NO MORE
FUCK IT TWO STEP
DO ONE OF PUFFY OR DAME DASHES DANCES...
THAT'S WHAT I DO
STILL CALL IT BOOGEYING THO
OOGIE OOGIE OOGIE
TILL I CAN'T NO MORE
EVEN IF I AIN'T HAPPY OR PARTICULARLY PLEASED
HOW YOU NOT GONNA GET DOWN...
BEAT GROOVING
I KNOW YOU GOT UR BOO
CLOSE GRAB SUMONE ELSE IF NOT AND BOOGIE
NO ONES TOO COOL TO BOOGIE...

IS... BUT WITH BLUE FONT, UH OH...

THIS MORNING YOU LOOKED LIKE A QUEEN
OFF HER THRONE
MINGLING WITH THE MILD MANNERED
CITIZENS AND DENIZENS OF YOUR
EMPIRE.

I SWEPT ONTO YOUR BLOCK AND HOPPED OUT MY COOL WHIP
INSIDES NOT QUITE JELLO
MORE
CARAMEL
STILL SAYING HELLO
LOOKING SMELLING JUST NOT FEELING
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

YOU TALKING BOUT HOW MY WALK AND MY SMILE MAKE YOUR KNEES WEAK
WE PLAYING AROUND
LIKE WE DON'T KNOW WE GONNA END UP
FUCKING
OR MAKING LOVE.

ME LUSTING OFF YOU LIKE
A NIGGA AIN'T HAD A MEAL
IN YEARS AND
YOUR PRIME RIB
WITH MOUNDS OF SOFT LITTLE POTATOES
NESTLED IN BETWEEN THE POOL OF BROWN GRAVY
AND THE SOFT BISCUITS ON THE SIDE...

THE SEX FEELS
UMMM......


LIKE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HOW OR WHERE THE REST OF
CIVILIZATION IS
WAS OR WILL BE
JUST THE MOMENT
JUST US
JUST THE YOU AND ME DANCE THAT ENDS IN DEEP,
SOFT SNORING FILLED SLEEP.

COME ON...
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE SHAKE
SHAKE IT.

IS

IS

YOU CAN TAKE THE D-BOY OUT OF THE TRAP
OFF THE BLOCK
EVEN AWAY FROM THE HOOD
BUT HE'S STILL A D-BOY
STILL LEANS TOWARD WEARING THE SAME THING ALL WEEK
STILL TRIES TO PAY AT DISCOUNT FOR ERRYTHING
LIKE IN MC D'S LIKE
IT'S 7.98 AND I'M LIKE YO' I GOT 7
NIGGA WANNA FIND THE CLOSEST DOPE HOLE A BE A LOOKOUT BOY JUST TO BE ABLE TO COP THE NEXT DAY
ONE TIME FIRST DAY HOME
I HAD $3.60 NIGGA GAVE ME A BAG
CAUGHT THE BUS OUT THE COUNTY
SOLD THE BAG FOR DOUBLE
RINSED AND REPEATED FOUR TIMES
AND CAME BACK TO THE NIGGA THAT GAVE ME THE BAG LIKE IM TRYIN TO COP SOME WEIGHT
SAME NIGHT
THAT NEXT WEEK I HAD MY ACURA
AND OUT THE WEEK AND CHANGE I HAD BEEN HOME
I HAD ONLY SLEPT
SIX HOURS...
SIGH.

BUT THOSE WERE SOO THE DAYS
PRISON TERMS IN BETWEEN
UNATTRACTIVE
BUT SIGH.............
TO BE ON THE BLOCK
HUGGING THAT BITCH LIKE SHE DYING
IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU THERE
YOU THERE
AND YOU NEVER REALLY COME ALL THE WAY BACK.
LOL
BUT A SIGHING LOL THO
LMAO
KEEP WALKING, THE WORDS WILL BE BLUE NEXT
(LYING)
AND I
promise
I WONT KEEP IT UP WITH THE
MUSICAL
SOUNDTRACK SONGS
(ANOTHER LIE DADDIO)

IS..

EARLY UP WAKING AND BAKING
TAKING MY SWEET TIME
LETTING THE MELLOW SMOKE FILL MY
MOUTH
THEN LUNGS
THEN HYPOTHALAMUS
FUCKING UP MY SHORT TERM
WISHING I COULD FIND A DRUG TO FUCK UP MY MEMORY OF FOUL SHIT

LIKE CAN'T WE FIND SOMETHING THAT WILL ROB ME OF MY MEMORY
OF STORM'S INSIDES DRIPPING OFF MY FITTED CAP
OR THE MEMORY THAT HIS KILLER IS STILL RUNNING ROUND FREE OR AT LEAST
NEVER CONFRONTED BOUT DAT SHIT
OR THE MEMORY THAT IF I'D HAVE BEEN MYSELF MY BROHEM
WOULD BE ALIVE
I'M TOO BUSY ON THIS LAZY ASS, STAY OUTTA TROUBLE, BE SAFE SHIT!

NOT TO MENTION SHIT FORGOTTEN THAT I WANT TO REMEMBER
LIKE DID I MEET HER AND FALL I LOVE
OR DID THAT WAIT TILL DECEMBER
SHIT LIKE THAT I FORGET
YET I REMEMBER IN DETAIL MY SIS'S PHONE CALLS
AND BE TRYING TO TUNE OUT
ONLY HALF LISTENING
AND FORGET SHIT I NEED...
SIGH
DAMN.
FORGOT MY POINT
JUST THAT FAST,
I'VE MISSED AGAIN...

will be...

tony bennet man...
jesus!
i'll be stepping out...
once i cope.
once i rally both my senses
and my body
and get to what it is
that it is
stepping out
in my top hat
coat
and tails...
sigh...
keep walking

is

I LOVE WHO U WERE THE DAY I MET YOU
ALL HAPPY AND LOOKING AT THE WORLD BRIGHT EYED
GUESS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD U THAT TELEVISION WASN'T REAL
AND THAT LIFE REALLY IS JUST PLAIN GONNA BE HARD
UNLESS U WORK HARD ENOUGH TO HAVE SUM TIME TO NOT HAVE TO WORK HARD
I MISS HER
THAT CHIC
THIS AFRAID LIL GIRL WHO
ONLY KNOWS HOW TO RUN FROM EVERYTHING THAT FEELS DIFFERENT
GOOD BAD OR OTHERWISE
AFRAID OF FEELINGS
AFRAID OF CHANGE
IS FOREIGN TO ME
FOREIGN AND
UNCOMFORTABLE TO BE AROUND
UR FEAR IS SILENCING
DISTANCING MY WORRY FROM YOUR FEELINGS
AS IT DRIFTS TO MY OWN
I SHOULDN'T HURT SO YOU CAN FEEL SAFE
CONSIDERING
YOU NEVER FEEL SAFE
EVEN THEN
I LOVE YOU
HER
THE YOU YOU WERE
IF SHE'S IN THERE
TELL HER
SIGH....

WAS...

I REMEMBER
TELLING NIGGAS THAT
WHEN AND IF THEY HAD THE CAJONES' TO CALL ME ON WRONGING THEM
YOU KNOW MY STEEZ...

LIKE THESE CATS DON'T REALIZE
JUST HOW SERIOUS A STATEMENT THAT IS
YOU KNOW MY STEEZ

WELL AT LEAST IN THAT SITUATION
IT'S LIKE SMACKING A NIGGA
( ONE OF MY OTHER HOBBIES )
LIKE I'M MAKING THE PHYSICAL STATEMENT THAT YOUR SO MUCH
OF A BITCH
I SLAPPED YOU LIKE ONE.
YOU KNOW MY STEEZ

YOU DO
JUST DON'T WANNA ADMIT IT
LIKE YOUR MOMMA KNOW YOU FEEL BAD
BUT YOU SAY YOUR FINE ANYWAY...
YOU KNOW MY STEEZ...
OR KNEW ANYWAY.
SIGH.

IS/WILL BE...

that shit was obvious
don't matter
you don't get fed up
till
love don't live in you anymore
then it be G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.
then it be
doneroni
tony
then your heart be ready
to heal and need the
DISTANCE
the obviousness
be useless till then
but when it comes
and your heart heals
a call from or to them is a funny way
to remember your faults and mistakes
and a pleasant pat on the back
that says your better off
once healed moving on is great.
For
INSTANCE...

I MISS HER
SHE WAS LIKE
A PAIR OF EVISU'S
AND
SUM J'S FRESH OUT THE BOX
WHILE I EAT A SCRAPPLE
EGG AND CHEESE
AND ROLLING A BLUNT
CUZ I'MMA WANNA SMOKE AFTER I EAT...

WE WAS LIKE A BATCH OF MY TURKEY WINGS
COMPLETE WITH SPECIAL SAUCE
WITH MASHED TATOES
AND GRAVY FROM SCRATCH
COLLARDS IF I'M COOKING FOR GUESTS
(THE COLOR OF THIS BLOG IS BOUT CLOSE
TO GREEN I DO...)

WALKING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PAGE IS COOL

SHE IS THE EPITOME
OF
MY VISION
OF A LOVE
OF A LIFE
OF A WOMAN
OF A WIFE
AND WE CAN'T BE...
SIGH.
KEEP WALKING
I'M GOING BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE SOON.

will be..

NOBODY SAID IT WAS FAIR
LIFE THAT IS
BUT WILL IT BE FAIR ENOUGH
TO
AFFORD ME A HAPPY GO LUCKY ONE
WILL THIS GLIMMER OF LIGHT SHINE
INTO MY ABYSS AT THE TIME I NEED IT
ILLUMINATING MY DARKNESS
SHINING SUN OVER MY PARK BENCH
WALKING INTO MY FINAL YEARS
STAYING
WALKING WITH
AND GUIDING MY WALK
WHEN I CANT
MAKE THE MOVEMENTS
WITH MY OWN FEET
WE'LL SEE...
SIGH...

is

If sunshine is my happiness
then this winding road is seeming
to lead to a shady
park bench

One amid the very souls I despise
my personal hell
a constant
musical chairs
of heartfelt discussions
with my enemies


I seem to get a little bit closer
there
while
I want to be moving closer to feeling fine


What happened to
a bright smile and a cup of coffee
to sweet to be mean in the morning?


Or a sun so bright I can't help but smile,
am I making myself feel less
closer to where I want
no
need to be?

Everyday
the feeling
the thought
the sigh
her
me
my insides
the pain
the drugs
my smile
his laugh
her need
my life
sigh....................

lay back enjoy the ride
or walk I should say.

will be...

pretty pretty misses
fresh
tx bound grass hound
lol
mebbe the one
mebbe a chance to say i've begun
to live out my last days
happy without haze
plenty of grass
loving myself
thinking if loving her will provide
emotional wealth
we'll see...
such is life...
keep walking.

IS

I FEEL LIKE DYING
BUT I'M TOO TRILL FOR YOU FUCK NIGGAS
AND I GOT MY SWAGGER BACK
MOMMIE SAID I KILLED A MAN
GUESS I GOT THE DAGGER BACK

ONCE AGAIN SMOKING
THINKING
THOUGHT BEING
I FEEL LIKE ETC...
YOU KNOW THE DRILL
RHYMES WITH SIGHING
CRYING
BUYING
LYING
AND TYING
OR DRYING
DRIVING
FLYING TO
HEAVEN OR HELL
CUZ I DON'T QUITE KNOW WHERE MY RESERVATIONS WERE MADE
SOO MANY EXCEDRIN
STOCK IN THE COMPANY SHOULD BE BOUGHT
BUT W/E MY FEELINGS
ON THE THOUGHT
I MUST SAY I WAS TAUGHT BY THE BEST
HOW TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON
HEAD HIGH
NO VEST
CUZ MY KILLER AIN'T HAVE A WEAPON
IN COMMON TERMS
HER WEAPON
WAS LOVE
AND
THE DESTRUCTION IN HER VEINS
WASN'T A WEAPON
JUST THE CAUSE OF MY PAIN
IT'S INSANE
HOW MY BRAIN
CAN'T PLACE BLAME
ON HER FRAME
WE THE SAME
SHE KNEW NOT OF HER WRONGS
AND I CAME HUMMING ALONG
SINGING THAT HOW I TEND TO FIX BITCHES SONG
ONCE HEALED
REJUVENATED THESE WOMEN
(HER INCLUDED)
FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO LIFE AS THEY KNOW IT
I TAKE ON THEY'RE PAIN
RETURN TO MY LANE
AND WONDER WHY GOD'S UNQUESTIONED MATH
HAS ME ON THIS PARTICULAR
PREDESTINED PATH.

INJECTION OF TRUTH
IN
5
4
3
2
1
STAYING BLUNTED
PAIN
CONFRONTED
ONLY HURTING CUZ I COULDN'T KEEP THE ONE I WANTED.....
SIGH.

IS

WHEN I WAKE I THINK AND THE THOUGHT
IS
I FEEL LIKE DYING
AND I FEEL LIKE
CRYING
AND SIGHING
FOR FIGHTING
THIS DYING
FEELING
CAN'T SHAKE IT
SHUFFLE THROUGH
THIS TIME THE RAPE
INESCAPABLE
NO FEAR
RESIGNATION IN IT'S PLACE
HEAD HELD HIGH
EVEN THO
I FEEL LIKE DYING...

WAS

BITCH I BROKE MOST OF THE LAWS
FEEL THAT NIGGA
RIDE WIT A BOMB
GET SHOT DIE IN HIS ARMS?
DAMN
THIS NIGGA AINT SPIT FIYAH ERRYTIME
BUT THIS TIME?
HOLIDAY NIGGA
THIS SHIT BANG FUCKING HARDER THAN MOST OF THE SHIT IN YOUR TOP FIVE
( UNLESS UR TOP FIVE IS ALL JAY LIKE MINE...)
I LOVE THIS JOINT LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER LOVE HIS SPOUSE
LOVE IT LIKE I LOVE TO PUNCH A NIGGA IN HIS
FOR RUNNING HIS MOUTH
BLOG'S MOVING SOUTH...
UNTIL NEXT TIME
KEEP WALKING
SIGH
ETC.

IS

JUST LISTEN TO THE SONG MAN.
SERIOUSLY.
NIGGAS TELLING MY OWN TALE...
IMMA SIT RIGHT HERE WITH THIS ON REPEAT...
SIMPLY CUZ MAN,
THIS SHIT KNOCKS
PLUS I'M SOOOO FEELING IT
IGNORANT AND NEGATIVE NIGGA
ROLL DICE POP GUNS AND SAY I'M BETTER THAN NIGGAS,
HOW CRAZY IS THAT?
IMMA GET BACK AT THIS SONG LATER BUT SHEESH MAN...
KEEP WALKING.

WAS, IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE...

I COULD DEFINATELY
COUNT IT IN CUPS OF COFFEE
LOVE THO?
...
BEEN THERE TOO MANY TIMES
TO COUNT
(BOTH REAL AND IMAGINED)
SHARED SELFLESSLY
AND GIVEN BUT NOT RECIPROCATED.
I'D LIKE TO COUNT IT IN SUNNY DAYS....
SOMETHING ABOUT THE BRIGHTNESS.
HOES LOOK WHOLESOMER
WHITE TEES LOOK BRIGHTER
WHITE TENNIS SHINE
WHEN YOU HAVE A SMILE LIKE MINE IT GLITTERS IN THE SUN...
HONESTLY I THINK I'M BI-POLAR SOME DAYS CUZ
I AIN'T HAPPY IF THE SUN AIN'T OUT...
I'M ALSO EITHER EXTREMELY PROUD OF MYSELF
AND CUTE
OR I'M A NARCISSIST AND GORGEOUS
COUNT IT BY HOW MANY TIMES I ANSWERED
A COMPLIMENT ON MY LOOKS
( OR ANY COMPLIMENT REALLY )
WITH
"I KNOW"
OR THE TIMES I WALKED PAST A MIRROR
BUT DIDN'T GET PAST THE MIRROR...
LOVING MYSELF
ALWAYS
IN FRONT OF AND ABOVE
BELOW AND AROUND
ALWAYS FINDING A WAY TO
IN LOVE
UNCONDITIONALLY
WITH ME.

WAS

MY MOMMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS 14
THAT I WOULD DIE AT THE HANDS OF A SCORNED WOMAN
OR HER HUSBAND...
I WAS TRYING GIRLS OUT THO.
I MEAN COME ON
IF YOU GROWN AND I GOT YOU AT 14
YOUR STILL A GIRL...
LEAVING WITH A FUNNY. THIS ONE MADE ME BUST OUT
LAUGHING WHEN IT CAME TO ME..
I'M 14,
ME AND MY MOM ARE AT A SUPERMARKET
MEAT DEPT.
SHE ASKED ME TO TELL HER WHAT A COUSIN OF MINE SAID
WHEN I SAW HIM
AND THE BUTCHER UPON HEARING MY VOICE
STAMMERS OUT ONE JUMBLED DECLARATION
"YOURFUCKINGMYWIFE!"
LOL LMAO
HE HEARD MY VOICE CUZ HE LISTENS TO HIS WIFE'S VOICEMAILS
I MET HER IN THAT MARKET TOO
LMBAO
THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER...
LOTTA HORNY OLDER CHICS IN SUPERMARKETS ON A COMPLETELY DIF. POINT

WAS...

GET A CRATE SOME CRACK AND SOME HOUSE SLIPPERS
A NEWSPAPER A LOOK OUT BOY A GET YOUR CHIPS UP
HOV WAS DROPPING JEWELS
THIS SHIT WAS OUT I WAS ON THE COME DOWN...
MADE A FEW OF THE DECISIONS
THAT WOULD LATER FORCE MY HAND
AND MAKE ME,
WELL,
MAKE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO
CHANGE STRATEGIES...
WHICH EVEN LATER THAN THAT MOVED ME TO
HMMMMM.....
GIVE UP THE GAME.
MISTAKE.
BIG
HUGE
GAPING HOLE
OF
A
MISTAKE.
LMBAO@ ME SQUARING UP...
KEEP WALKING.

WILL BE...

I FORGOT
I CAN'T BE UPSET
GAME IS COP AND BLOW
YOU BLEW
TIME TO COP AGAIN
BUILD THE STABLE AGAIN
I COULDN'T HAVE MARRIED YOU
I'M MARRIED
TO THE GAME.

WAS

LOL. THIS WAS MY SHIT!
TOO SHORT ,
AIN'T NOTHING LIKE PIMPIN'
LMBAO,
I REMEMBER RUNNING AROUND 28
MAKING DEALS BETWEEN THE CHICS DAT WAS GONNA FUCK FOR A BAG OF WEED NEWAY AND THE NIGGAS THAT WAS GONNA GO TRICK ALL THEY DOUGH OUTSIDE THE HOOD
NEWAY... LOL THINKING I WAS SHO NUFF PIMPIN'
LMBAO AT MY BROHEM COMING HOME FROM THE PEN ,
AND MY OTHER BROTHER TELLING HIM...
"SHIT LIL BYRD GOT DOPE COKE READI WEED AND PUSSY,
AND HE SPOSED TO BE COPPING SUM RAW,
THIS LIL NIGGAS A CORPORATION!"

IT'S FUNNY HOW SONGS CAN TAKE YOU BACK...
LOL, WHO AM I KIDDING I'M REMINISCING CUZ,
SIGH...
WELL THAT'S ANOTHER BLOG...
ON ANOTHER DAY,
WHEN I FEEL WORSE THAN TODAY...
KEEP WALKING THO,
WE JUST TIPPED THE ICE BERG.

will be...

I'm waiting for the hate
now,
the beating you'll give with furled
brow,
your moves mean and deliberate
so,
I have no reason to feel bad for wanting to
grow,
I'll walk into my fate unburdened love, in
fact,
I'll be whistling a tune and not looking
back.

MORE IS

CURSING THE DAY
YET THE THOUGHT MAKES MY KNEES SWAY
J.UST A TOUCH
L.OVES ENOUGH
B.UT WE HAD IT ROUGH
AND THE STUFF
I PUT UP WITH
THE THINGS I FEEL
THIS PAIN I'M BEARING
UNBEARABLE
I FEEL LIKE DYING

YOU
N.EGATIVE
A.SSHOLE
Z.ANY
Y.ET
A.MAZING
I LOVE YOU
AND I FEEL LIKE DYING

WAVES OF PAIN CAUSING TYPOS
MORE CORRECTIONS THAN I CAN COUNT
GETTING ON THE RIDE
KNOWING IT'S A DANGER WITHOUT DOUBT
AS ALWAYS FORGETTING THE EJECTOR SEAT
ALL A SUDDEN FLYING
AND I FEEL LIKE DYING

IS

TRY BEFORE THE DRUGS ARE GONE
WEED JUST CHANGING THE PAIN
LESS THAN MASKING
MAKING MY INSIDES FEEL LIKE
A GELATINOUS MESS

FEEL LIKE MORE THAN
FEEL LIKE KILLING UNTIL
THE REAPER CATCH ME
MAKE NO EXCUSES WILL I
YOU OR MY SANITY
CUZ I'M LOSING THAT
FEEL LIKE DYING AND HOPING I NEVER COME BACK
IN A HOT ROOM WITH A SKULLY ON
FAT BLUNT BURNING
COLD IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER
WRAPPED IN A BLANKET
SO MUCH IN PAIN
FEEL LIKE CRYING
BUT I CANT IT'S THAT PAINFUL
NO TEARS WILL FORM
AND I FEEL LIKE DYING

WAS..., w/e number i'm up to.

Remembering Fox st.
Alicia, Lil Joe, Tay
We was like,
three hand slaps and a salute...
feel me?
It's the Roc!
only after the break up
Hov kept rapping
and I ain't got another bid in me
so that's it for the trapping,
But back on Fox st.?
Funny how the same floor I slept on
was the same spot they kept warm
and as my world started over their treachery
was the bomb.
exploding my senses,
blinding my vision.
Cuz if I couldn't see the snakes in my own yard,
what if I went back to prison?
Then again,
there's another fox st.
few more years back,
in the alley hitting due to the heat.
lotta police and money that summer,
lotta fun had,
hustling, traveling,
one or the other,
but what I miss most
being on Fox st. with my brother...

definately is...

unbearable the thought of,
disturbing in minds eye view
of the end of the fast slow fast time
here and in the air for my mind

i'm focused yet troubled
not afraid
but bad thoughts are doubled
leaving others behind
I look onward to see my brohem
waiting for me
with that really good good
hopefully
i was there then
long hair don't care
then i grew cut the locks
but still put the most bogies in the air
but no worries as i climb these stairs...
my await my new lair
sighing cuz i like to...
but walk with me,
you read this one what else you got to do?

was? is? ?

lot longer than 24
but counting down...
looking that old hooded nigga in his face
like
WHAT!
what the fuck...

this was the shit and now is my ticking time bomb...
fuck it
ride till the last step taken
no stopping
no bluffing
and no faking...
chin up high
ready for whatever
same nigga I was
I
is....

is........

Some days,
I sit and wallow,
cuz the grass didn't get me high enough,
or that day I happened to put up with that much stuff,
and I think of the deterioration.
Slow, deadly,
from inside to out,
cold sweats in the morning,
an evening of calling out.
In pain too great to measure,
then cool the next day.
Today was just an example of one of those bad days...
I ask you to walk with me,
share these memories,
enjoy the smiles,
kick me in the event that I'm down,
as I walk to my destiny,
I'd enjoy the company.
sigh.............

Is........

I'm feeling a lil on the other side of the page.
Strong enough now to end it.
Temptation straining my good sense.
How far we have come and,
love , and
feelings from memories of better times than now.
I hurt.
I'm sighing,
One day my pain wont be.
Walk with me till then...

Sigh.

AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN...

I did it again.
Went back there again.
Enjoyed every minute, yet I'm...
sighing,
again.
Been saying this the last time,
since the first time.
Still thought this time,
was the right time.
Atleast I don't have aany scars for my troubles this time.
It's like john is singing,
our love life exactly.
Back and forth,
you acting an ass,
me in love,
not wanting to leave,
cuz I'll just call you from home.
Hurt deep though,
not able to control my mouth,
pushing me away anyway.
pretending you don't care,
me foolishly believing,
then leaving,
then calling,
then hanging up,
then you calling and us,
doing
it
again...
Knowing it feels this good,
not bringing to mind,
being to good to be true,
You too happy to see me to tell the truth,
me too horny to care,
but then we wake up,
these topics are broached again,
and,
it's over,
again.
You calling just as,
i'm feeling so bad I don't care,
aren't we a pair.
Insanity is defined,
as doing the same thing,
again,
and again,
and expecting a different result...
We claim to be sane,
and yet here we are,
again.
And you call and I come,
and it never ends...
again,
and again.

THAT NIGGA...

UNCONTROLLABLE
MY VICIOUS SCANDALOUS PEN
KILLING THEM OUT THERE.

i love...

did u really wanna know that bad?

FREE

REAL QUICK, IN A QUIET PLACE... ANYTIME ANYPLACE.
east coast, west coast. those were the days...
imma keep walking, fit to go play chess tho.........
sigh.

WAS4

MAN TALK ABOUT GRINDING... SAME CLOTHES FOR A MONTH! FUCK A WEEK. LOL. GET GET GET IT! NIGGA HUGGING THE BLOCK LIKE A DYING SPOUSE! FIRST ONE OUT, HANDS SHAKING TILL I GET THAT FIRST DRINK, HEADACHE TILL THE WEEDBOYS COME OUT, MOSSBERG IN THE GUTTER, 500 2 FER 5'S IN MY SOCK LIKE NIGGA I LIVE OUT HERE! AINT NO LAST ONE TO LEAVE. I AINT GOING NOWHERE. FUCKING OUTSIDE ( YEAH I WAS A NASTY NATE ASS LIL NIGGA ) A BITCH AT THE SNOWBALL STAND IN THE SUMMER AND ANOTHER AT THE CORNER STORE FOR THE WINTER LIKE NIGGA I AINT SPENDING NONE OF THIS... DRINKING PAUL AND SMOKING SUMPIN LIGHT GREEN FROM CALI OR WHEREEVER I TRAVELED THAT WINTER. SUMMER DRINKING BEERS AND SMOKING THE BEST IN THE CITY. FUNNY WHAT A NIGGA WILL SPEND ON... IT'S CRAZY. ANYWAY, LIKE OUT THERE ON KNOCKER DAY WITH THE HOPOUT BOYS OUT THERE KNOWING THE STICKUP BOYS OUT THERE TOO CUZ THEM NIGGAS KNOW WITH THE POLICE PRESENCE U CANT REALLY KEEP YOUR HEAT OUTSIDE, STILL OUTSIDE, TILL IT'S LIGHT GRAY OUTSIDE!
BUT W/E THO.
JUST SIGHING,
THERES MORE THO,
KEEP WALKING...

HOW WE WAS THEN...

LOL I REMEMBER ME BYRD-O AND THURGOOD STANDING ON 28thST. GRINDING, BUT FUNNING FAREAL... SEEING HOW MANY CARS WITH HOES U CAN STOP. LOL I REALLY THOUGHT WE WAS COMPETING. THMY BROTHERS,THESE SUM SLICK NIGGAS, AINT STOP NO CARS THO. STAYED SNATCHING THE HOES I STOPPED WITH MY SMILE... GOOD TIMES MAN. LMBAO.
OR NORTHWOOD APTS... OMFG! I CALL MYSELF BEING THE LATENIGHT CREEPER AND ALWAYS WAS WONDERING WHY ERRYBODY GOT ME PEGGED AS A HOE. THESE NIGGAS BLAME ALL THEY HOES ON ME. LOL. I GOT MY REVENGE IN THERE THO. SIBLING RIVALRY U KNOW?
LOTTA NIGGAS AINT LIKE US. STILL DON'T FAREAL. FUCK EM' THO. MISSING THEM NIGGAS, ONE GONE AND ME AND THE OTHER CAN'T FIND THAT COMMON GROUND NO MORE... IT'S W/E THO. JUST SIGHING AGAIN.
POPPING MY COLLAR FOR MY BROHEM,
AND SIGHING,
KEEP WALKING.....

WAS3

WAS IN LOVE
LOST THAT LOVE
FELL IN LOVE
JUST WITH LOVE
LEARNED THAT LOVE
LOST THAT LOVE
GAINED NEW LOVE
SELF LOVE TIME
GOOD LOVE TIME
SOLD FAKE LOVE
DREAMS OF LOVE
TALES OF LOVE
LOVED MY TALES
LOVED SOME TAILS
WAS IN LOVE
SHE WAS LOVE
WE WAS LOVE
MY LOVE LIVES
HER LOVE GIVES
UP NO LOVE
BUT WRITE LOVE?
NOT RIGHT LOVE
NO LIGHT LOVE
LOVELESS LOVE
LOVE ME LOVE?
NO LOVE SONG
JUST MY LOVE
LOVE OF YOU
LOVE OF US
WHEN I LOVED
HOW I LOVED
MORE THAN LOVE
LOVE ME LOVE

Back to the regular scheduled programming...

so I'm walking thru the old hood right, you know chilling smoking chopping it up with the hoes. Minding my biz fareal... And the friggin old patrolman, ( he's a narcotics dick now ) decides he wanted to hold a conversation with the "youth". Now I'm creeping on 30 my lil homies is in they 20's with families and shit... and my first question is did he recognize us as the old menaces to the neighborhood? or is he scared to walk up on the real youngins...? u know them lil suuwuu brattt dat dat niggas that hang up da hill these days? I'm offended. I hide from birthdays. figuring if i don't acknowledge the day at all I wont age... ( yes I know I'm sad ) and for once I'm ashamed to be known as the "youth". idk how to even process my rage. then my other lil homie still grinding, going to jail, starting over, I feel old, but don't wanna be young either... lived fast and wanna slow down but don't know how. momentum carrying me way further than anyof my original swagger. This new healthy fear of prison is a whole nother blog but...
meanwhile haven't been to prison in 5 years which is equivalent to Rick James having like 20 years clean. or or diddy going a decade without a remix...
SIGH...
ARGH...
SIGH...
keep walking tho,
i just started.

hmmm..........

coulda been a leak on my team...
coulda been your window into my dreams,
coulda been a better nigga than me at your beck and call
but it seems,
your just as crazy as the rest...

coulda been her and her spiteful mouth,
coulda been me playing it quiet like a mouse
coulda been i let you in my mind's castle,
(i call it my memory's house),
and seen there was cause to make you, crazy as the rest...

no comment, no bulletin, no descriptive verbs,
no rhyme, no reason, not even a word,
just some actions mimicking,
the previous birds,

Gotta be Avian flu...
Damn shame...

IS

SITTING
SMOKING

THINKING
DRINKING
PONDERING
WONDERING
TO
DISCOVER
MY
MINDS
SECRET
PLAN
TO
SMOTHER
MY
LIGHT
NO
OTHER
MY
MIND
DISCOVERS
MY
HURT
NOT
PHYSICAL
I'M
DYING
FROM
MISSING
NO
OTHER
THAN
MY
BROTHER...

MIMICKING THE FIRST WAS...

NIGGAS ON THE RUN EATING
STATE TO STATE
WHILE THE FEDS STEADY FOLLOWING

GETTING IT
ON SUM GET MINES SHIT
BITCHES STEADY SWALLOWING

a different was...

feeling like a dave chapelle skit
"when keeping it real goes wrong"
me too real
her too fake
my love a soft breeze
hers an earthquake
me now a hurricane
as the ground starts to shake
drove me to the end of my wits
and reeled me back in
just to promote her most recently contrived sin

was 2

running state to state with the work plus a bad bitch
trying to get a mil or the equivalent to more than rich
staying in the light cuz a nigga just too fly
waving at the birds cuz I'm so fly I fly by
just another hustla but my "G" stands for sumpin else
GORILLA nigga here devour you for the wealth
welcome anywhere walk in foul spots with jewels on
hating niggas mad gotta ignore em' cuz I'm too gone
call my city bodymore for a reason just remember that
murderland being the state you wont be clapping back

was...

my disdain
for human interaction
has robbed me of my
true calling
I remember
being a nomad
hustlin' anywhere
from N.y. to Cali
then a quick trip back here
a shop on 41st an tenth
dats Queens if you ain't no
they price on crack was great cuz they product was so so
but I'd take it and go
break it down for them suuwuu niggas on 54th and crenshaw
chill there in compton briefly
cuz the lames there make you wanna try their jaw
leave Cali wit the chronic
back to 24th and barclay
hometown love
hometown drugs
hometown bodymore
might have to talk with hot slugs...

sigh.........

alas my time is nearing and end...
the after effects of fast living,
and hospital skipping,
not to mention the smoking,
and gulping,
( don't do no sipping )
I'm slipping,
into an abyss I created for myself,
and yet I could readily point fingers.
As the bars on my,
personal prison close around me,
I ponder a life in which I lived up to the potential others said I have...
wondering if dying of boredom is better,
then my current path,
though doubts and hindsights bite,
taunt me daily,
I'll let you take a peek into a place that people are rarely,
allowed.
The place where the memories will remain fresh,
inside my mind.
I sigh here.
Walk with me...